My back issues are not allowing me to exercise. Again. My social situation is going downhill. I’m under stress to figure out what I’m doing job/internship-wise this summer. All of these things make me indescribably sad and scared, especially the first two. As a result, I have the urge to eat my feelings. But then I feel horrible about myself and self conscious about my weight (something that I’ve gotten better under control the past few months, until now), especially since I can’t work out. So then I’m watching what I eat (and feeling guilty when I’m hungry) and steering clear of alcohol and bars, which I really could have used yesterday or today just to meet with someone and talk. That then affects my social situation and it just starts all over again.
Instead of a vicious circle, I have 2 vicious circles that intersect at a few points, almost like a Venn diagram, with a tiny 3rd circle attached somewhere.
I don’t have a personal diary because I always felt awkward writing in one. I mean, do you address the posts? In what tense should I write? Therefore, I treat my blog like a diary. So while I am aware that other people are going to read this, it’s mostly so I have a place to put these fears and insecurities. Write them down, making them real and tangible. Write them down so I can track my trains of thought and so I can move on. Hopefully.
I think I could benefit from having a life coach.